Join me for a revealing look at how speaker style at the turn of the century has transcended time. Inspired by a vintage textbook of readings entitled Tommy’s Second SPEAKER for Little Boys and Girls, I will uncover FIVE TIME-TRAVELED TIPS that speaker coaches have been using for generations.
But first, a bit of backstory – I, a longtime speaker coach, discovered Tommy’s yellowed but cared for text in a thrift shop in Woodstock Illinois – published at the turn of the century –exact date and editor unknown. Of course I had to buy it!
The opening lines surprised me – as they may you.
THE OPENING LINES
“When a young lady just from boarding school makes a curtsy so profoundly pronounced that you instantly think of the school, she overdoes it”…“When a public speaker’s tones and gestures recall the ‘elocution class, he is lacking in something.”
What Tommy was learning in 1895 is not that different from what I would hope my clients would practice and that is – being authentic. The meaning of authenticity is talked about a lot today; in fact, after noting a particularly large number of searches on the word, Merriam Webster designated “Authentic” as the Word of the Year 2023. The dictionary definition of the term is “of undisputed origin; genuine.”
For a speaker, authenticity shines through with a balance of sincere content and natural delivery. What follows are FIVE TIME TRAVELED TIPS – cited in this vintage text and modernized and simplified by me!
FIVE TIME TRAVELED TIPS
#1 Share your natural personality.
(As previously quoted, look like a natural – not stiffly trained).
#2 Stand erectly and confidently.
From the Second Speaker: “An honest man full of a just idea and bent on imparting it to others utters his mind with his body at a half-bend. He would have made this effort more impressive if he had stood erect. He would have been better if he had been taught to stand up and speak.”
#3 Find and convey the variety in your natural voice.
As the Second Speaker notes: “He began his sentences well enough but those of them of which he meant to be solemn and oppressive he wound up in a key so low that he became inaudible.” “Nature gives us a musical voice. Art trains it.”
#4 Look at your audience more than your notes.
And the Second Speaker says: “The man who reads from a paper is commonly at a little disadvantage, unless he has been well trained to do his work. His eye must be on the paper a great deal and his head bent towards it and in some notably bad cases the effort to look at the paper and then stand up and give out to the people what has been taken in.”
#5 Be a cheerleader for your topic.
Tommy’s Speaker puts it so: “Many a man has great properties within him but they have never had justice done them and he has not risen to the limit of his possible usefulness.”
Public speaking is not a new endeavor. Yet, across centuries, there are very similar traits of excellence. Below is an actual Speaker Exercise From Tommy’s Second Speaker (page 16 ) It is called, “Write to the old folks” Try practicing this verse (as Tommy did) using the Time Traveled Tips. And then contact someone at home who misses you.
Don’t go to the theater, concert or ball, but stay in your room to-night.
Deny yourself to the friends that call
And a good long letter write.
Write to the sad old folks at home who sit when the day is done, With folded hands and downcast eyes and think of the absent one.
YOU CAN JUST TELL
As I arrived at my local grocery store, I noticed a “We’re Hiring” sign posted at the front door. This is not unusual these days: the unusual thing was what was next:
“Hiring interviews on site. You could be hired in an hour!”
I found this intriguing, but since I was not looking for employment, I went ahead with my shopping.
A bit later, while checking out, I noticed a table in front with forms on it and a woman seated behind. I overheard her tell a colleague “I just hired 11 people.”
I couldn’t resist asking, “Wow, tell me. How did you decide on those 11? What was the winning factor ? A confident smile?” I was partly joking.
“Oh, yes, well, that’s part of it,” she said immediately. “It’s personality. You can just tell.”
I asked, “How can you just tell?” She then explained that she could sense an applicant’s energy and confidence and that made a difference for any type of grocery job – from bagging to stocking to cleaning the floor. “Most of the time, she said, “it doesn’t matter if they have experience.” “It’s how they present themselves.” (And again she said)”You can just tell.”
Hmmm. I asked if she did a lot of interviewing, and then she revealed that she was the hiring manager for several stores. So, yes, she did A LOT of interviewing!
I am a communication coach and instructor, and In my classes we discuss nonverbal communication: smiling, eye contact, body posture and more. But we don’t often get a chance to prove how they make a difference. Theory says yes, but here in my grocery store was a living testimony. Energized nonverbal presence gets jobs!
Since that day I’ve shopped at my store several times. The hiring table in front is gone. But as I observe the various stockers and deli clerks and clerks in the store I can’t help but wonder what they did or said that passed the hiring manager’s criteria: “You can just tell.”
Note to the reader: Â Poem can be read three ways, depending on the amount of attitude adjustment you desire.
Positivity in Pandemic
A bit harder to decipher
Among the strains and variants
But we’re making progress.
And we’re saving lives.
Variety of variants…what?
Bonus of boosters again?
A syncopated* symphony: sneezes, sirens, symptoms off beat!
So what? we’ll always have science.
Stay tuned! We’ve faced challenge before.
*Syncopation is a musical term meaning a variety of rhythms played together to make a piece of music, making part or all of a tune or piece of music off-beat. (Thank you WIKI. Donate $2.75 to the cause of correctness)
Polar Bear in peril so sad!
Warmth when it’s not wanted nor wind
No snow when snow should be falling!
So chill! All ages are trying.
Thank you to the young gens for shouting.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.*
*Attributed to Abraham Lincoln but we’re not really sure.
We cannot hide behind the keyboard and the screen; we are still in plain sight – our style, our savvy, and our smile are right there with us. Our communication skills are definitely showing. It’s a virtual presence, surely, yet it still reveals a lot about us. The remote is not really so remote when we take a look at its intimate truths. Here are some of the truths that are revealed between the keys about how we use time, how we listen, and how much, in general, we care.
How we use time
There is a nonverbal communication theoretical term called “chronemics” which is basically the study of how we use time and what that reveals about us. Our behavior at meetings, for example, has always been an indicator of how a person, an organization, even a culture uses time. These habits are most often not written down. Attendees figure it out. They can be late…or not. They can leave early…or not. Their slides can be complete…or not. The same thing occurs in virtual meetings. Bad habits can easily develop, especially when there are so many meetings in a day. But we can avoid getting trapped in bad habits if we think through a few positive steps. For example:
Thanksgiving Dinner…the Ultimate Corporate Meeting?
Everyone gathers for a purpose.
Everyone wants to look good.
Everyone is reluctant to bring up something.
Some do not want to be there.
Most are committed to the way it’s always done.
Few try something new.
The senior person talks the most.
The latest recruit is wide-eyed.
Some endure the gathering.
Most cherish the gathering.
Thanksgiving Dinner…the Ultimate Chance to Facilitate!
Mental mantra – as you arrive. Think: “I’m going to love this!”
Connect – right away. Acknowledge: as many as possible with a smile, nod, “Hello!”
Agenda – very important. Follow the leader on what is “served” and when.
Ground Rules – basic etiquette. Be kind: This is not the day to make an enemy.
Listen – before you speak. Especially when Uncle Fred spews forth a shocking opinion.
Open Questions – are perfectly OK. “How are you doing?” Or “How’s the new job?”
Probe and Paraphrase – show great style. “So, if I’ve got this right, you owned a ’73 Beetle?”
Focus the Talkative – by asking another less talkative. “Grandma, what do you think?”
Encourage the Quiet – again, by gentle name-calling. “Jo, how are things in Poughkeepsie?”
When You are the senior – compliments never hurt. “Cousin Pat, your pudding takes the cake!”
Close – by summing it up – “Thank you all for the great food and fest. The best one yet!”
©2019 Cyndi Maxey
I walk the lake
Every day
It’s alive with life
Every day
Gulls in a row
Every day
But the last few weeks
I see these ducks
Paddling the current
Rough high waves
I fear for them
They are too small!
Next day they’re back
All safe and sound
The lake is calm
They look the same
They seem to know
I look for pairs
And there they are
They mix and mingle
Some alone and yet
They seem to know
I wonder where
they go at night
Always to return
to this mighty lake
They like it here
It can’t be easy.
Inspired by the resiliency of the Mallard duck the oldest of its species.
December 2018
By Cyndi Maxey
If you are one of the millions of students who will be starting school next week you will have an opportunity to make first impressions many, many times. Here are ten first impressions you can make – simply as you enter the classroom – offered in order of increasing commitment.
1. Enter, smile at instructor, sit.
2. Enter, smile at instructor, sit, say hello.
3. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front.
4. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears.
5. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you.
6. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack.
7. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK.
8. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen.
9. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen, ask instructor how are you?
10. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen, ask instructor how are you? Say I’m looking forward to this class.
We know that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are hard to change. Which of the above will your professor remember most?
Editor’s note: These ten are easily adaptable to a class using E-Text books or even an online course. I’m sure you can figure it out. As the adage goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!
©2018 Cyndi Maxey
Photo Credit: woodleywonderworks
June is bustin’ out all over. And that includes the mole tunnels in my wooded cottage yard.
I was bound and determined to put into place a mole removal program. I consulted with the experts in this area which are basically three guys – my hardware store owner, my pest control guy, and my son who is always ready for edgy projects.
But nature brought forth an interesting twist. I saw the mole alive!
He (she?) happened to surface a few feet away from me, allowing a close-up view. Since then I can’t stop thinking about the mole.
I mean how many of you have ever seen a mole close-up – alive and not in captivity? I surely had not. There were Mr. Mole and Mr. Toad in my childhood storybook, The Wind in the Willows. And there was the exhibit in Lincoln Park Zoo, but the moles were always hiding.
Here’s my first impression of my close-up view: he (she?) looked like an empty toilet paper roll – but fuzzy. A mole is only about 5-8 “ long, depending on the type. There are 7 species in North America. According to the cottage copy of the Natural Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Mammals, my mole is a Common Mole. It goes on:
“A mole is among the most subterranean of mammals. They are designed to move backward and forwards in tight burrows. Hearing is well developed in moles. Their ear openings are concealed within the fur and thus kept from becoming clogged with dirt. Their eyes are light-sensitive, pinhead size dots, and their vision is poor. The most important sensory organ is the flexible snout.†Note: (I saw this amazing little nose moving back and forth – sensing my presence.)
Another note: The mole is not a sloth; it travels fast.†Its long-clawed forefeet let it breaststroke through porous soil at about a foot per minute!†I had no idea. This tunneling activity, often considered a nuisance in lawns, is beneficial to the environment because it aerates the soil, allows rain to penetrate, and reduces erosion.
Until I met this little creature I was dead set on eliminating him and his telltale trail. This was not just a mole; this was a marvel. I wish I myself were created with such fitting environmental gear.
Why was this little mole above the surface? I will never know. Perhaps there was an obstacle in the subterranean world. Perhaps she just wanted to educate me and erase my negative pre-disposition. Perhaps she wanted to distract me on Father’s Day weekend as I sorely miss mine.
I am sure that I will never think of moles the same way again. Bless their little subterranean earth-worm eating selves. They were designed perfectly. Humans have a good design too. I’ll keep trying to use mine with the diligence of the mole.
Things I Learned from my Millennial Guests
The holidays have transitioned into a frosty Chicago new year and my young house guests have retreated to their busy lives and jobs. Two vibrant young couples (ages 27, 29, 31, 34) returned to two very different cities – Brooklyn, NY and Peoria, IL. Other than just plain missing them, I am left with some dispelled myths and new admiration for this often-maligned generation.
MILLENNIAL MYTH #1. They can’t communicate face to face.
Indeed, my couples were quite communicative, and especially with each other. As I listened or eavesdropped on them, it was obvious that decision making was a partner thing. This pertained to restaurant choices, what to wear, and how to get there, for example. They walked a street looking at all the menus in the window; they listened and collaborated on how much time it would take to manage O’Hare.
MILLENNIAL MYTH #2. Their food tastes are picky and expensive.
This just was not so. Rice Krispies treats reigned. This was an experiment on my part to offer low fat treats with absolutely no gourmet class. Maybe it was wrapping them individually? But they disappeared with both couples.
My couples were not heavy red meat eaters (zero to some). They were less into cocktails and more into craft beer or red wine – or water! They carried refillable water bottles across the board. A new craft beer taproom here on Chicago’s Northside drew raves. A gift of the book, Meatless Sheet Pan Dinners was discovered to add to their already very well developed cooking skills in this arena. (They roast vegetables a lot and I don’t mean just dilly potatoes.)
MILLENNIAL MYTH #3. – They have no patience for Baby Boomer lack of technology skills.
I am pleased to say that my guests were patient teachers as they taught me the following skills which I am happy to share with anyone over 50. I took notes with pencil and paper.
a. how to access a Yule Log fireplace video including crackle
b. how to add Netflix to my cable TV choices
c. how to access Emoji’s on my I-phone
d. how to use the parkchicago.com app
e. how to scroll through NPR’s “Fresh Air” interviews
MILLENNIAL MYTH #4 – They have no sense of how to dress practically.
I was very impressed with how both couples – the New Yorkers and the Peorians – were quite practical with winter dress. Less important were perfect hair and heels and “in” were stocking caps, boots, and fur hoods. In fact, I believe there is one woolen stocking cap of mine which was a stow-away back to Brooklyn due to its ugly practicality.
So, there you have it. Who would have thought these youngsters would garner such admirable traits so soon? Communication – Healthy Eating – Patience – Weather Awareness? It must be their stellar upbringing.
Happy New Year 2018! And please do visit again this year.
Have you ever wished you had planned a bit more for that major presentation? Would you like to overcome speaking anxiety that holds you back? Could you benefit from higher level influence in front of groups? Coach Cyndi Maxey helps you answer those questions and more. She is an accomplished national speaker and communication coach who has authored six books on communication, presentations, and influence.
Fearless Facilitation “How to Engage and Involve Your Audience”
Present Like a Pro: The Field Guide to Mastering the Art of Business, Professional, and Public Speaking
Speak Up! A Woman’s Guide To Presenting Like a Pro
10 Steps to Successful Time Management
It’s Your Move: Dealing Yourself the Best Cards in Life and Work
Training from the Heart: Developing your Natural Training Abilities to Inspire the Learner and Drive Performance on the Job
This popular and most recent book shows how to make any learning environment come alive. It outlines proven guidelines any trainer can use to unify groups, inspire creativity, and get audiences, teams, and colleagues to speak up, talk back, participate, and engage in meetings
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