Lake Michigan Metaphor

I walk the lake
Every day
It’s alive with life
Every day
Gulls in a row
Every day

But the last few weeks
I see these ducks
Paddling the current
Rough high waves
I fear for them
They are too small!

Next day they’re back
All safe and sound
The lake is calm
They look the same
They seem to know

I look for pairs
And there they are
They mix and mingle
Some alone and yet
They seem to know

I wonder where
they go at night
Always to return
to this mighty lake
They like it here

It can’t be easy.

Inspired by the resiliency of the Mallard duck the oldest of its species.

December 2018

A Single Word

imageIs it possible to live a word for a year? Not a phrase or a verse or a quotation – but a word. This is the challenge I put forth to you today. For many, the year end is a summary, an accounting, a tabulation of achievements and trials alike. As the New Year approaches many of us breathe a sigh of relief for the calendar-designed opportunity to consider new beginnings. Some make resolutions. Some have reservations. Some consider nothing.
But the select few – the creatively self-motivated like you and me – select a single word to live by in the year ahead. It’s an intriguing exercise – one that takes some time to ponder. What will my word be for 2016? I’m considering initiative and happiness at the moment. I wonder if these are too mundane. And then I ask myself, “Who cares?’ The thing is…I need a word I can live EVERY DAY and feel very, very good about it. It will carry me through any troubling, confusing, or reflective time. It will be my personal unspoken philosophy to guide my path.
It would be easy here to begin listing many words for you and me to consider. But I won’t do that because you will find your word your own way. When you do, I hope you will be pleased with yourself and enjoy a meaningful NEW YEAR – guided by the light of your single word.
P.S. Thank you…
…to my Millennial daughter and her NYC friends who on a Sunday car trip returning to Brooklyn from hiking Bear Mountain (see photo) solidified together the excellence of this idea. I bestow a special thanks to Brooke who authored the idea, having lived the word authenticity in 2015. And then shared her idea on the long car trip home to Brooklyn. Evidently, the word worked.

PORCH STORY

This August there’s a new home going up across the street – a perfectly sided and roofed urban mansion with no front porch.
Five years ago Rory’s house stood in its place – an aging turn of the century foursquare with several green wooden Irish shamrocks permanently affixed to the front. It was a hot, hot August that year and often Rory sat on the front steps with his also ethel_holsbrookaging Dad.
New to the neighborhood, I simply waved “Hello!” to these two from across the street; neighbors told me that their large Irish family had inhabited the home for decades; they were the remaining two.
I was immersed in moving in and getting used to my new home. One of the 90+ degree-days, I was gathering some garden tools from the latticed storage area under the back porch when, “Click, ” the door to the under-the-porch area shut and latched closed on the outside. Reaching through the lattice to open it, I soon found that I couldn’t reach the latch from the inside, even with a garden tool.
What to do? It was so hot. I began to yell. At first I just yelled, “Help! Help!” It was embarrassing but I had to try. Then I yelled “Help, Neighbor Help!” “Help, Neighbor, help! “ a little louder. I was getting more distressed when suddenly I heard a male voice, “Where are you?”
“Back here under the porch!” I said.
Then I was looking through the lattice at khaki pants, immediately hearing the latch unlock and a nice looking guy in his 40’s rather shyly explaining, “I live across the street. We were sitting on the porch and I heard you call Help.”
“Thank you, thank you. I’m getting used to things here and the latch locked so quickly…and your name?”
“Rory. I live across the street.”
“Thank you so much Rory for helping me.”
“No problem” he said and rejoined his Dad on the steps. He said their air conditioning wasn’t working that day.
Later I learned Rory worked as a bar back and short order cook at a nearby tavern. I often waved to him as he walked to his job.
Five years have passed quickly, and sadly, both Rory and his father have passed away. Their old house was torn down and the new mansion is moving in. I wonder if this is progress.
I have a theory very simply called, “Ya never know.” This is an all-encompassing philosophy that any one person or situation may affect us positively in the future – though we are not aware of the potential at the time. This is why we should greet, respond, help and notice others we come across in life. We should be slow to judge and quick to understand. We should appreciate before we assume.
I miss the shamrocks.

Take Time for An Old Friend

Good old friends are known to call you out of the blue just to “see how you’re doing” or because they  “…just had a feeling” and before you know it you’re transported years back with a person who knew you when.
I just met one of those old friends yesterday – a girlfriend who saw me through braces and crushes and 8th grade graduation when the lipstick was pale and the hair was high. This girlfriend edited the high school yearbook and went on to become a banker and a wife and mother. And then, like most of us…more of life –work, kids, anniversaries, deaths. All of this was  mutually updated in an endless stream of conversation as if we’d never left Kingman School.
As business professionals, our current work life friends are important and hopefully fun. In fact, research shows that having a good friend at work motivates and satisfies us.  As a coach, I often discuss this with those on their way up -  building their networking skills and presence at work. Relationships at work are indeed essential.
But it’s also good for the mind and the spirit to kindle the older longer relationships that make us who we are.
Or as a stone in my garden path states, “ It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”
And the stone was given to me by – yes… another old friend.
Friends

What I Learn from Porch Doggie

It’s summer – the season when Max Maxey, my beloved yellow Lab becomes “Porch Doggie” nearly every evening. He knows the command, “Max  – want to be a porch doggie?” and he gallops to the front door and out on our old fashioned front porch. I sit in the chair and read or work, but mostly I  just sit and watch my porch doggie in action.

Because we live in an urban neighborhood, there are lots of people for Max to watch walking by.  He has a distinct reaction to each type. Some receive passing interest:  a raised eyebrow, one eye open, or a sigh. These folks  just don’t stimulate a stronger emotion. Passers by with their own dogs receive a bit more attention – a raised head, erect neck and ears and eyes that follow them along – sometimes with just a little growl of distrust.  Then there are the friendly acquaintances who nod or say  “Hi!” but keep walking. These folks get a “thump thump” tail wag. Next are the casual friends and neighbors whom  we both know better – enough for me to make light conversation and Max to walk down a few steps to sniff -  cautiously looking back at me to make sure it’s OK.  And last are the good friends – the neighbors we know well – like Bob, who basically gets rushed as Max bounds down the steps, runs in circles around him, and sniffs his dogs and the front parkway grass. Only fully happy when he gets a pat on the head, he comes back up to the porch, but reluctantly, and only when called.  Basically, after Bob, there are no better potential passers by of interest in Max’s book.

And so the evening goes until it’s too dark to see or I get bored; Max never gets bored of watching and waiting for whoever is coming by next – canine or human. So what do I learn from my “porch doggie?” Hopefully we humans will never lose the joy of interaction with all kinds of people – from surprise visitors to favorite friends. Hopefully we will look forward to getting out on the front porch as much as Max does – whether it’s a real front porch or the elevator to an apartment or a park bench. And hopefully, we won’t ever rely on only electronic connections to greet, meet, befriend, and know our neighbors. Happy Porch Sitting from me and Max!

I Love Myself Unconditionally

Summer is the time of garage sales  throughout America, and I am one of those who can’t help perusing other people’s stuff. This year I  tried to be a discerning shopper, happy to return home from our local neighborhood event with only a barbecue utensil set and a shrimp devein tool. Since I have never cooked shrimp this item is under question, certainly.

The day after the neighborhood sale,  the alleys were encumbered with various items which did not sell even at end of day cut rates. As I strolled through the alley near us after a morning jog, my eyes caught an unusual item: a post it note stuck to the top of a small three-drawer dresser. On closer look the little dresser was somewhat but not terribly worn, a bit warped on the top, and, upon a tug, doors that stuck just a bit. All in all it was a serviceable item, and I remembered seeing it with a $20.00 price tag the day before.  Then I read the post it note, hastily written in ink, and stuck on the top of the chest by the previous owner, ” I love myself unconditionally,” the note said. And I smiled and picked up the chest and carried it to my garage. Surely someone in my family would find a use for an item so cared for.

I couldn’t help but thinking of the note and the chest and the warmth of the note the rest of the day. And so my wish to you and me and all of us is to mentally wear the same note…all the time, “I love myself unconditionally, ” no matter how the day wears us or warps us or tugs at our once nicely fitted plans.

As always, your comments are appreciated!

NEW YEAR 2011 GIFT IDEAS

In this, our concluding stanza of FREE HOLIDAY gift suggestions, may you be inspired to STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN to and with the people who prevail in your life. Best wishes for a wonderful NEW YEAR from Cyndi Maxey and Kevin E. O’Connor.

When you Stop and Sense the world

You give yourself a gift

Of a number of surprising things!

…The people all around prevail

…There is still a place for written mail

…And memories coincide

With the turbulence of today’s tide

And caring, loving, supporting friends are at your side.

In our combined 60+ years consulting and teaching in the field of communication – one thing stands clear – the importance of the relationships we begin, build, and maintain in our life and work. Managers, volunteers, front line workers, physicians, IT specialists, project managers, teachers, sales people – all bloom and grow via healthy relationships. And the traditional vacation days that coincide with year-end holidays provide a gift to us all…the gift of special time to stop, look and listen – to appreciate those with whom we work.

The New Year provides a great natural excuse to do or say something special for the person in the cubicle next to you, the receptionist who greets you every day, or the lunch counter clerk who makes your change.

And as we spend time with our families this season, or perhaps without them, we are reminded of the precious connections and traditions that are the legacy we all can live and share.  If you haven’t yet shared a fond memory with a family member, send a short note to the child, aunt, or grandparent you forgot to call in the hustle-bustle of December. Copy an old photo and enclose it or enclose a “coupon” for your services this year – hugs, notes, phone calls, listening ears, back rubs, or cleaning.  Most important, let the people around you know you’re at their side.

BEST WISHES FOR PEACE AND JOY IN 2011! As always your comments are welcome.

Last minute FREE HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS…

Last minute FREE HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS…part 4…inspired by “Joy to the World” from Cyndi Maxey & Kevin E. O’Connor

…And your direct report really is dear

…And your leader has led without fear

To all who are VP’s, Chiefs, managers, supervisors, and front line leaders:  Amidst the bustle of year-end deadlines and vacation plans, don’t forget to thank your team! One savvy manager we work with just surprised his team with a new email newsletter citing their good work and using their names and dates to remind them.

AND LIKEWISE…To all who are direct reports and volunteers: There is no better time to thank a leader you know – someone at work or a volunteer you admire. Leadership is never easy, often unrecognized, and sometimes difficult to define. Let a leader in your life know specifically what you admire about them.

Cyndi’s friend, Pastor Joey Watt, sent us a great book called Try Giving Yourself Away by David Dunn. Written in 1947, its treatment of 100 simple things that you can do to make your life and others’ happier still works today.  A snippet from author Dunn:  “When some people express their appreciation it seems to have a special quality which I have come to think of as depth. At first I thought depth was a matter of sincerity or warmth. But the more I studied the most successful appreciators, I saw clearly what it was: their appreciation was always specific.”

So what specific appreciation can you give to another? Here are a few ideas: how much you liked a phrase from one of their great handwritten letters, a specific reminder of their ability to ease conflict in the face of difficult clients, or a memory of specific happy moments of a fundraiser event.

The CEO and the C-Suite are often the first to know the complaints and problems and the last to know how pleased people are.  Since most of us are NOT in the C-Suite, what we can do is send messages UP…through our actions and initiative…to let them know we are behind the plan.

…And relatives, and your pets too, would like your ear

Yes, the traditional paper Christmas and holiday card is slowly on the wane but there are many other ways to let those people and pets dear to you know you’re listening and thinking of them. Your pet most appreciates your attention… or more time being petted and walked…both FREE! How about doubling the attention you normally pay to that pet that you sometimes forget is around? And to those relatives you know you have been lax on reaching…how about one post card a week for the next three weeks? Or a Facebook “Hello” right now?

Stay tuned for even more FREE gift ideas next week! As always your feedback is appreciated.

Even More FREE Holiday Gift Ideas

Even MORE FREE Holiday Gift Ideas you give TO and OF yourself…A continuation of our version of “Joy to the World” from Cyndi Maxey & Kevin E. O’Connor

Listen to the world

And you will hear

A number of surprising things!

…The water cooler news is – you (!)

…The question from your kid is cool

The rumor mill holds more true information than one may initially guess. It’s not all bad and it’s usually not all good either. Your rumor mill may be on Facebook or the old fashioned face-to-face encounters in the employee cafeteria or the hallway at work.

Really listening at the water cooler at work is a gift to yourself in several ways: (1) it is a chance to practice the  “no gossip” rule. And that is, first measure if what you are about to say will HURT someone or HELP someone. How will your comments benefit them if uttered in their absence? If you ask this question every time you are tempted to add fuel to the gossip flame, you will stop an ugly habit that does no person good. (2) And it’s also a good time to find out what you’re doing wrong! Most often we are least aware of our own potential areas for change and improvement.   Why not use the water cooler setting to ask others for help? (3) And, last, if the water cooler news is misleading or false in some way about someone else, correct it immediately or say you’re uncomfortable hearing it…and leave!

John Buchanan, the pastor at Cyndi’s church, in Sunday’s sermon referred to the celebration of Christmas as the celebration of “… raw, earthy, worldly human life” and indeed there is such life out there if we listen to the world.

…The question from your kid is cool

Remember when your child was very, very little? The questions that were so endearing were often the ones you couldn’t answer well.

  • “How big is the sky?”
  • “Why is the sky blue?”
  • “Why do people get sick?”
  • “Why can’t we go?”
  • “When will we get there?”
  • “Why can’t we have a doggie?”

Back in those days you smiled at these questions, bluffed your way out of them, and cherished the mind that framed them.

And then the questions seemed to get less and less. Sometimes we  parents were the ones with questions about school, friends, texts, and Facebook. We were inquisitive and they were sometimes the bluffers.

But there is a new day we can manufacture with our children no matter how old they are nor how distant from us. We can do what Dale Carnegie recommended over 76 years ago: focus on being interested in them – not to get something from them, but to learn about them.

Children know when we think they are cool people and they know when they are being investigated and judged. When we are interested, truly interested, this they cannot ignore.

When we show real interest to our adult peers they feel affirmed.

The same is true with our children…when we do it.

And that is very cool.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE FREE GIFT IDEAS NEXT WEEK. Your feedback is always welcome.

Kevin and Cyndi

More Free Holiday Gift Ideas!

MORE FREE gift ideas… Gifts you give OF yourself and TO yourself…if you only stop, look and listen.   Happy Holidays! Cyndi Maxey & Kevin E. O’Connor

Look out at the world and you will see…

…children who like to sing

And a partner who’d like some “zing”.

And coworkers, neighbors too, who await your ring.

Our children and those children of others whom we love are often the source of our greatest joy and our greatest pain.  Or, as a wise parent and poet we know said, “Like all great Greek tragedies we are doomed in the face of our children who survive like the weeds they are to spoil the perfect gardens we so vainly attempt to create. If only we can remember to tend the weeds with happiness and not regret. “   Most children like to “sing” …have fun ! …experience joy! …be loved!. ..get attention. What child in your life needs to “sing” more with you?

One of the strengths of a long successful relationship is “not having to try too hard” to feel comfortable with and supportive of your partner in work or life. But that comfort and support can sometimes be, well…boring as you fall into mundane patterns with this most important person. Stop today and think of one way to provide some “zing” for someone you may think you know all too well.  To spark your thinking, here are some “gift ideas”:

• serve your partner in some way: cook all the meals, walk the dog all day, proofread a report, invite others to join you, buy something and wrap it in several boxes, write a poem or letter

How about all the coworkers and neighbors to whom we say “Hi!” nearly every day but little else? This season, select a few and do something different. They will be pleasantly surprised! Call them and invite them to coffee or lunch. Or surprise them with a small thank you or gift. Cyndi once had a neighbor who brought by homemade caramel sauce and another who watched her young child for an afternoon. Simple notes, desk props, or food items are great for coworkers, but also simply stopping to say more than “hi” is often the best gift.