You Can Just Tell

YOU CAN JUST TELL

As I arrived at my local grocery store, I noticed a “We’re Hiring” sign posted at the front door. This is not unusual these days: the unusual thing was what was next:

“Hiring interviews on site. You could be hired in an hour!”

I found this intriguing, but since I was not looking for employment, I went ahead with my shopping.

A bit later, while checking out, I noticed a table in front with forms on it and a woman seated behind. I overheard her tell a colleague “I just hired 11 people.”

I couldn’t resist asking, “Wow, tell me. How did you decide on those 11? What was the winning factor ? A confident smile?” I was partly joking.

“Oh, yes, well, that’s part of it,” she said immediately. “It’s personality. You can just tell.”

I asked, “How can you just tell?” She then explained that she could sense an applicant’s energy and confidence and that made a difference for any type of grocery job – from bagging to stocking to cleaning the floor. “Most of the time, she said, “it doesn’t matter if they have experience.” “It’s how they present themselves.” (And again she said)”You can just tell.”

Hmmm. I asked if she did a lot of interviewing, and then she revealed that she was the hiring manager for several stores. So, yes, she did A LOT of interviewing!

I am a communication coach and instructor, and In my classes we discuss nonverbal communication: smiling, eye contact, body posture and more. But we don’t often get a chance to prove how they make a difference. Theory says yes, but here in my grocery store was a living testimony. Energized nonverbal presence gets jobs!

Since that day I’ve shopped at my store several times. The hiring table in front is gone. But as I observe the various stockers and deli clerks and clerks in the store I can’t help but wonder what they did or said that passed the hiring manager’s criteria: “You can just tell.”

Your Communication Skills are Showing!

image provided by Aleksandra Wantuch

We cannot hide behind the keyboard and the screen; we are still in plain sight – our style, our savvy, and our smile are right there with us. Our communication skills are definitely showing. It’s a virtual presence, surely, yet it still reveals a lot about us. The remote is not really so remote when we take a look at its intimate truths. Here are some of the truths that are revealed between the keys about how we use time, how we listen, and how much, in general, we care.

How we use time

There is a nonverbal communication theoretical term called “chronemics” which is basically the study of how we use time and what that reveals about us. Our behavior at meetings, for example, has always been an indicator of how a person, an organization, even a culture uses time. These habits are most often not written down. Attendees figure it out. They can be late…or not. They can leave early…or not. Their slides can be complete…or not. The same thing occurs in virtual meetings. Bad habits can easily develop, especially when there are so many meetings in a day. But we can avoid getting trapped in bad habits if we think through a few positive steps. For example:

  • Be aware of when we arrive and leave a meeting. The leader and other participants will often notice and if we arrive late and leave early consistently, we are sending a message that
  • something else is more important.
  • Plan our own presentations in advance so participants are watching a smooth, put-together report that doesn’t meander or waste their time with “and- uhm’s” and “you know’s.”
  • Plan ahead for the questions we’ll probably get so we look smart and savvy and avoid saying “Good question,” after everything – a habit that’s all too common.
  • Prepare by having conversations with key players one on one ahead of the meeting. Make sure someone is in charge of the agenda and how to prioritize it.
  • Take no more time than we say we will. Very rarely do meeting attendees want our report to go longer.
  • Do not overly refer to time. “I will go through this quickly,” or “I’m about done. I know you all have a lot more to cover,” actually devalues our presentation.

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Thanksgiving Dinner…the Ultimate Corporate Meeting?

Thanksgiving Dinner…the Ultimate Corporate Meeting?
Everyone gathers for a purpose.
Everyone wants to look good.
Everyone is reluctant to bring up something.
Some do not want to be there.
Most are committed to the way it’s always done.
Few try something new.
The senior person talks the most.
The latest recruit is wide-eyed.
Some endure the gathering.
Most cherish the gathering.

Thanksgiving Dinner…the Ultimate Chance to Facilitate!

Mental mantra – as you arrive. Think: “I’m going to love this!”
Connect – right away. Acknowledge: as many as possible with a smile, nod, “Hello!”
Agenda – very important. Follow the leader on what is “served” and when.
Ground Rules – basic etiquette. Be kind: This is not the day to make an enemy.
Listen – before you speak. Especially when Uncle Fred spews forth a shocking opinion.
Open Questions – are perfectly OK. “How are you doing?” Or “How’s the new job?”
Probe and Paraphrase – show great style. “So, if I’ve got this right, you owned a ’73 Beetle?”
Focus the Talkative – by asking another less talkative. “Grandma, what do you think?”
Encourage the Quiet – again, by gentle name-calling. “Jo, how are things in Poughkeepsie?”
When You are the senior – compliments never hurt. “Cousin Pat, your pudding takes the cake!”
Close – by summing it up – “Thank you all for the great food and fest. The best one yet!”

©2019 Cyndi Maxey

 

First Day First Impressions Last

By Cyndi Maxey

If you are one of the millions of students who will be starting school next week you will have an opportunity to make first impressions many, many times. Here are ten first impressions you can make – simply as you enter the classroom – offered in order of increasing commitment.

1. Enter, smile at instructor, sit.
2. Enter, smile at instructor, sit, say hello.
3. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front.
4. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears.
5. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you.
6. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack.
7. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK.
8. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen.
9. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen, ask instructor how are you?
10. Enter, smile at instructor, say hello, sit in front, pull earphones out of ears, say how are you to student next to you, take the course textbook out of back pack, PUT SMART PHONE IN BACKPACK, pull out small notebook and pen, ask instructor how are you? Say I’m looking forward to this class.

We know that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are hard to change. Which of the above will your professor remember most?

Editor’s note: These ten are easily adaptable to a class using E-Text books or even an online course. I’m sure you can figure it out. As the adage goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

©2018 Cyndi Maxey

Photo Credit: woodleywonderworks

The Perfect Mole…NOT the Sauce

June is bustin’ out all over. And that includes the mole tunnels in my wooded cottage yard.

I was bound and determined to put into place a mole removal program. I consulted with the experts in this area which are basically three guys – my hardware store owner, my pest control guy, and my son who is always ready for edgy projects.

But nature brought forth an interesting twist. I saw the mole alive!
He (she?) happened to surface a few feet away from me, allowing a close-up view. Since then I can’t stop thinking about the mole.

I mean how many of you have ever seen a mole close-up – alive and not in captivity? I surely had not. There were Mr. Mole and Mr. Toad in my childhood storybook, The Wind in the Willows. And there was the exhibit in Lincoln Park Zoo, but the moles were always hiding.

Here’s my first impression of my close-up view: he (she?) looked like an empty toilet paper roll – but fuzzy. A mole is only about 5-8 “ long, depending on the type. There are 7 species in North America. According to the cottage copy of the Natural Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Mammals, my mole is a Common Mole. It goes on:

“A mole is among the most subterranean of mammals. They are designed to move backward and forwards in tight burrows. Hearing is well developed in moles. Their ear openings are concealed within the fur and thus kept from becoming clogged with dirt. Their eyes are light-sensitive, pinhead size dots, and their vision is poor. The most important sensory organ is the flexible snout.” Note: (I saw this amazing little nose moving back and forth – sensing my presence.)

Another note: The mole is not a sloth; it travels fast.” Its long-clawed forefeet let it breaststroke through porous soil at about a foot per minute!” I had no idea. This tunneling activity, often considered a nuisance in lawns, is beneficial to the environment because it aerates the soil, allows rain to penetrate, and reduces erosion.

Until I met this little creature I was dead set on eliminating him and his telltale trail. This was not just a mole; this was a marvel. I wish I myself were created with such fitting environmental gear.

Why was this little mole above the surface? I will never know. Perhaps there was an obstacle in the subterranean world. Perhaps she just wanted to educate me and erase my negative pre-disposition. Perhaps she wanted to distract me on Father’s Day weekend as I sorely miss mine.

I am sure that I will never think of moles the same way again. Bless their little subterranean earth-worm eating selves. They were designed perfectly. Humans have a good design too. I’ll keep trying to use mine with the diligence of the mole.

What I Learned from my Millennial Guests

Things I Learned from my Millennial Guests

The holidays have transitioned into a frosty Chicago new year and my young house guests have retreated to their busy lives and jobs. Two vibrant young couples (ages 27, 29, 31, 34) returned to two very different cities – Brooklyn, NY and Peoria, IL. Other than just plain missing them, I am left with some dispelled myths and new admiration for this often-maligned generation.

 

MILLENNIAL MYTH #1. They can’t communicate face to face.

Indeed, my couples were quite communicative, and especially with each other. As I listened or eavesdropped on them, it was obvious that decision making was a partner thing. This pertained to restaurant choices, what to wear, and how to get there, for example. They walked a street looking at all the menus in the window; they listened and collaborated on how much time it would take to manage O’Hare.

 

MILLENNIAL MYTH #2. Their food tastes are picky and expensive.

This just was not so. Rice Krispies treats reigned. This was an experiment on my part to offer low fat treats with absolutely no gourmet class. Maybe it was wrapping them individually? But they disappeared with both couples.

My couples were not heavy red meat eaters (zero to some). They were less into cocktails and more into craft beer or red wine – or water! They carried refillable water bottles across the board. A new craft beer taproom here on Chicago’s Northside drew raves. A gift of the book, Meatless Sheet Pan Dinners was discovered to add to their already very well developed cooking skills in this arena. (They roast vegetables a lot and I don’t mean just dilly potatoes.)

 

MILLENNIAL MYTH #3. – They have no patience for Baby Boomer lack of technology skills.

I am pleased to say that my guests were patient teachers as they taught me the following skills which I am happy to share with anyone over 50. I took notes with pencil and paper.

a. how to access a Yule Log fireplace video including crackle

b. how to add Netflix to my cable TV choices

c. how to access Emoji’s on my I-phone

d. how to use the parkchicago.com app

e. how to scroll through NPR’s “Fresh Air” interviews

 

MILLENNIAL MYTH #4 – They have no sense of how to dress practically.

I was very impressed with how both couples – the New Yorkers and the Peorians – were quite practical with winter dress. Less important were perfect hair and heels and “in” were stocking caps, boots, and fur hoods. In fact, I believe there is one woolen stocking cap of mine which was a stow-away back to Brooklyn due to its ugly practicality.

So, there you have it. Who would have thought these youngsters would garner such admirable traits so soon? Communication – Healthy Eating – Patience – Weather Awareness? It must be their stellar upbringing.

Happy New Year 2018! And please do visit again this year.

Eight Tips to Have More Fun at your High School Reunion

13466206_10154937984735558_4929077703167666080_nIt’s summer and traditionally the time for reunions of all kinds – some more tolerable than others. Perhaps none fills the average person with more trepidation than the high school reunion. I mean who wants to see these people every ten years, right? May I suggest, however, that life is short and when you get your Evite, Facebook notice, email, or mailbox invitation, RSVP “yes.” Chances are very good that you won’t regret it. Follow these tips and have more fun!

1. Wear the obligatory name tag; print it LARGE, especially your first name.
Do not worry about being nerdy; it just makes it easier for people.
Result: You will have a good reason to approach people and therefore more fun.

2. Tell everyone how great they look – no matter what.
There is ALWAYS something truthful and nice to say:
Ah, Jimmy…the same smile I remember!
Your hair is so trendy.
I love your shoes.
Are you slimming down?
OMG, I have that same necklace. I love it.
You look so distinguished with the beard and mustache.
Result: You will cause the other to be happy and that is fun.

3. Go right to the memories –the ultimate equalizer.
Avoid the children, grandchildren and third husbands.
Take the conversation quickly to Ms. Herzog’s Geometry class.
Result: You will laugh a lot and that is lots and lots of fun.

4. Don’t overindulge in the food; it’s usually bad anyway.
It’s hard to look distinguished with a loaded plate.
Stay with the finger food if possible.
Result: You can shake more hands and hug more and that is more fun.

5. Keep open posture in conversation groups.
That means let the other guy in.
You are grown up now and don’t need the “clique.”
Result: You will make it more fun for others and that is fun.

6. Don’t overindulge in alcohol.
I know, I know this is tough at the high school reunion.
But you are mature and confident now and don’t need to.
Result: You will actually remember whom you talked with and that is more fun.

7. Don’t take selfies.
They never look good; trust me on this.
Recruit a friend to photograph you – a good friend.
Be sure you are with some sort of group of people in the shot.
Result: Instead of looking really bad in the photos, you will just look happy and like you are having fun.

8. Double thank the volunteer organizer.
Would you want to do this?
As you leave be sure to let him or her know.
Result: at least the organizer will remember you – and that is kind of fun.

©2016 Cyndi Maxey All rights reserved.

How to Communicate Better in a Social Media World

May I invite you to Speaker Magazine.com to view and comment on my article? You will learn 8 Habits to Help you Communicate Better in a social/media world and some action steps to start today.

http://speakermagazine.com/8-habits-to-communicate-better-in-a-social-media-world/

Your comments are welcomed!  Cyndi

Safety Warning: May cause Loneliness or Jealousy

German researchers just discovered that 1 out of 3 people feel worse after visiting Facebook.  Specifically, they feel lonely, dissatisfied, and envious.   I could see this coming, couldn’t you? Now, I do have a Facebook page – actually two – one personal page and one to promote a family vacation property that users can “befriend” for discounts.

The research  found that vacation photos were the biggest cause of resentment. People’s vacation photos – including my own (!)- should only be available upon request, in my opinion. But then perhaps that’s what my Facebook friends felt when I shared photos of my precious new baby grand nephew, Liam Kenneth, just two months old this week! or the holiday photo of my side of the family and our five squirmy dogs.  We all have our weak points.

One of my favorite theories in graduate school was Festinger’s Theory of Social Comparison which basically says that we all feel better about our abilities when we compare ourselves to others. This helps us define ourselves; it reduces our uncertainties. And that is certainly one of the gifts of sites like Facebook – the gift of information giving, receiving, sharing, and comparing with the rest of the world – in particular those who are most like us.

To help us all reap the benefits of social media and avoid the rampant abuse of it, I suggest a SAFETY WARNING like this: CAUTION:may cause loneliness, jealousy, and general malaise if over-used! – followed by a 60 second required training program – NOT in how to operate the tools of TECHNOLOGY but in how to understand the results of SOCIAL COMPARISON.

So, for now,  I will participate,  but I must say I’m proud of my daughter, a very wise college student,  who bucked the trend and put her page on “inactive” status – indefinitely.

As always your comments are encouraged and appreciated.

Does Anybody Look at Anybody Anymore?

Anyone who flies even infrequently on business knows that air travel is just not what it used to be when it comes to service, roominess, baggage, and the like. Well, actually, anyone who reads the news knows this. But has anyone noticed what’s really happening out there?  Here it is: WE THE TRAVELERS have changed. And here’s how: a  typical flight will steer us among lots of PEOPLE – waiting, standing and sitting people – at check-in, at the gate, on the plane aisle in and out,  in the taxi line, in a restaurant, at the crowded bar, in a small store.  In all these settings surrounded by other human beings we rarely look at anybody anymore.  Most travelers are eyes down in smart phones, I-Pads, computers, Kindles, Nooks, and now and then the rare paperback or paper newspaper. It is impossible to strike up a conversation unless it’s something like, “What operating system is your phone?” or “Can you get WI-FI here?” Opening lines and icebreakers are forever stilted when you can’t get someone to look up. All in all, this is a depressing development and will damage the  already challenged interpersonal skills of today. But I’m taking this all differently. I see this growing inability to look at others as a great opportunity to save money and time because I am going to

-stop putting on make-up

-avoid all clothing trends

-wear only the cheapest suit jackets

-never get my nails done

-stop going to the dentist

-change my hairstylist to the jiffy cut down the street

-refrain from brushing my dog’s hair off my pants before I leave

-no longer worry regarding matching shoes and clothing.

I’ll look forward to a very stress-free, humanity-free, and sadly interest-free trip.