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“Good morning,” I said with relief as I got on the underground elevator.

Chicago’s Grant Park underground parking has always been spooky to me. You have to park in the bowels of the earth and then maneuver a quick “click clack” walk for what seems like two city blocks to the elevator, which slowly and painfully climbs five floors to finally lift you to the street level and sunshine.

So when there is another decent looking human being already in this subterranean elevator, I breathe easier and typically say, “ Good morning” to which my reply is typically “Morning” after which my co-rider returns to his or her text messaging.

But a recent morning was different: my co-rider answered back! He said, “Good morning, how are you?”

It was 7:15 AM and I was so surprised by the invitation to continue a conversation that I blurted out the first brilliant thing that came to mind, which was, ”Fine, and you?” To which he replied, “Great. Looks like nice weather again.” Now I was still foggy conversationally, and all I could come up with was, “Yes, it’s unusual,” and we were at street level. Conversation over.

As I walked to my client’s offices, I thought about the potential for elevator conversations like this one, whether or not you’re actually in an elevator. (And let me be clear, I am NOT talking about the overdone “elevator speech” that everybody is supposed to have but nobody wants to hear.)

To maximize your connection opportunities, even if you have only a minute and even if you’re not really in an elevator, I propose a new response technique when someone asks, “How are you?” This technique stands to promote quicker conversation and connection in a short amount of time. It simply skips a step. Here’s how it goes:

(For almost any Chicagoan you meet)

YOU: “Good morning.”

OTHER: “Good morning, how are you?”

YOU: “Fine, considering that Bears game last night was brutal.”

OR

(For when you meet your boss)

YOU: “Good morning.”

BOSS: “Good morning, how are you?”

YOU: “Fabulous, my hardest working team won an award today.”

OR

(For almost anyone you meet)

YOU: “Good morning.”

OTHER: “Good morning, how are you?”

YOU: “Great. Just found out my dog doesn’t need surgery!”

The idea is simple. Never answer, “How are you?” with the standard, “Fine and you?” but instead offer an igniter to move the conversation forward more quickly. The igniter should fit the person and the situation and always, always be positive. Nobody wants to ride in the elevator with a complainer. Even if you feel terrible, turn it into, “Fine, I’m looking forward to my Ibuprofen kicking in.”  Also, you may have to think in advance about what your daily igniter will be – simply something new in your life in the past 24 hours.

Try this “igniter” technique today and let me know how it works. As always your feedback is welcome!

“Life doesn’t have MUCH to do with living in the land of CERTAINTY, but it does have MUCH to do with living in the land of HOPE.”

I hastily scribbled these words in my program during a church service out of town.  After the pastor repeated this same phrase three times I noted he was using two great speaking devices: EMPHASIS and REPETITION – the perfect choice for the Easter sermon, which is normally attended by “less than regular” churchgoers.

He continued…

“And the tomb was rolled away. And they said,” (PAUSE) “ SHHHH!” (Finger to lips) “ Let’s not tell anyone,” (PAUSE) and they didn’t.   (KNOCKING ON PULPIT) (SHARP HAND CLAP) “Peter’s out the door,”

He was also a master of SOUND EFFECT, GESTURE, AND PAUSE.

And he knew how to BEGIN.

He had begun with a joke about a retiring pastor whose secretary was valiantly seeking his title for the Easter sermon to type in the program. Finally he turned to her and quipped, “Oh just call it…”Another Easter Sermon.”

And he knew how to END:

“Let me share one more story with ‘ya and then I’m gonna quit.”

And that’s exactly what he did. He made many very good presentation choices for a crowd of “sometimes” churchgoers. He grabbed the large audience that he had and pulled them in.

(In the reception line I discovered he was a semi-retired interim senior pastor named Rev. Eric Erikson with years and years of sermons behind him. I thanked him for his talent and skill that day.)

And here’s what great preachers know and all speakers can learn: no matter the content you must deliver, there are three keys to getting the audience to listen:

1) How you begin and how you end

2) How you use Delivery Basics: eyes, voice, hands, stance, pause, and volume

3) How you repeat, emphasize, and reinforce your key message

As simple as they sound, these are also the most common points of entrapment for speakers:

(1) Do you apologize in the beginning?

Here are some actual openings I’ve heard just in the last month.

“Thank you for being here on this sunny Saturday April morning.” (I’m thinking, OK, don’t make it worse than it is that I have to be here today!)

and…

“Well, since it’s just me between you and dessert I’ll be brief…oh, I see you already have dessert, well I’ll really be brief.” (This comment was made while the speaker, a top-level manager, held a half-empty glass of wine.)

Do you throw away the ending? Here are some actual endings I’ve heard recently:

“So that’s all I have to say.”

“Thanks and I hope you enjoyed it.”

(2) Do you just “show up” without running through the talk out loud?

It’s very different actually delivering a talk and just reading it over at your desk. Practicing out loud while standing up allows you to think about what your eyes, hands, and voice are doing. And that’s what the audience sees.

(3) Do you lose the key message in oodles of detail?

Your listener needs emphasis, repetition, and energy to remember your key message. Write it on a card, highlight it, repeat it in the power point slide, or even have the audience repeat it with you. If you don’t know your message, who will?

Before your next presentation, ask yourself if you’ve given your key message a chance. Thanks to all the great preachers and rabbis out there for reminding us how to do this – week after week after week.

It’s clear from the feedback I’ve been getting from women in my audiences lately that they often work harder to influence in front of groups, yet in spite of their hard work, they fall into common traps. But these traps are simply habits that can easily be corrected with awareness, practice, and feedback.

For my female colleagues, clients, and friends and the men who support their success: Here are four ways to adjust your mindset and your language when you’re speaking: be certain, paint the big picture, be firm and be vocally persuasive.

(1) Certain vs. Tentative

Instead of using language like this…

“We kind of need to get going on this project.”

“How would you sort of like to proceed?”

“I really don’t think this will get us where we were trying to be.”

…speak with confidence and authority, like this:

“This project comes first.”

“Our next step should be…”

“This doesn’t fulfill our goal.”

In order to be taken seriously, think before you speak, and speak with certainty. “Like,” “umm,” “kind of,” “you guys” and “sort of” convey insecurity, not influence.

(2) Big Picture vs. Detail

Don’t get lost in the gathering and detailing process. Begin with facts and data, but take that one step further and carefully engage your audience by using metaphors, mental pictures, and thoughtful images to piece the message together. For example, a new sales strategy could be described as a six-step “workout”; customer focus might be visualized with digital photos; a new benefits plan could be analogous to maintaining a healthy environment or lawn.  If you run, hike or jog, you could convey the sensation of a runner’s adrenalin to a step in the change process. Visual images help your audience see the big picture.

(3) Firm vs. Forced

You don’t need to become “one of the guys.” Be yourself, stay on message, and remain confident. Be ready to articulate the issues well. If you have the time and access to your audience, conduct brief phone interviews prior to your presentation. You might even reference them in your presentation for greater credibility.  Liberally affirm the general intention and work of the audience or the initiative.  Women are natural at this: “While this is a difficult time, it’s clear that this team has the right attitude. I see it in your reactions to the data today and I hear it in your project reports.”

(4)Persuasive vs. Distracting

The female voice can be one of the most persuasive instruments on the planet – or it can be one of the most grating and distracting. In essence, every woman’s natural voice is beautiful; it just gets corroded with bad habits along the way. Those habits may include inadequate breathing, poor use of the vocal apparatus (lips, tongue, teeth), ineffective pitch and tone, or lazy projection of volume, to name a few. These habits are often heightened when presenting.

To maximize your female voice,  (1) record it often. Audio is a speaker’s best learning tool. (2) Use a microphone to enhance it. Never say no to a “mic” in general, but especially if the acoustics are poor or if you are speaking to a group of more than 50 people. (3) Deepen it. Most women benefit from thinking down scale a bit. Practice finding the range of your voice by counting to ten from low to high pitch. Be aware of the middle or comfortable pitch you naturally have. (4) Use your “standing voice” when you want to have impact. Whether sitting or standing, support your breathing and project your volume so that all or even one can hear.

Never underestimate the career-building potential of your presentations at meetings, even seemingly mundane regular meetings. Consider everything you say an opportunity to make a powerful impression. Awareness is the first step, then practice and asking for feedback from those you trust.

What traps have I missed? What do you observe in yourself and other female presenters?

©2010 Cyndi Maxey

It’s a new year and time to expand your horizons, right?  How? Attend a networking event alone where you don’t know anybody!  Sound stimulating or terrifying?  Well, that’s just what I did this morning – a breakfast networking event sponsored by a convention bureau at a downtown nightclub venue. The two-hour event included a hearty brunch buffet, mimosas, coffee, and a sampling of the club’s musical entertainment. Different from most events I attend – I was intrigued by how people navigated it.

As you might expect, the event was heavily attended by hospitality, restaurant and convention suppliers – a fairly young and mostly fashion-forward female crowd of about 130 people.  Here’s what I noticed the best networkers were doing:

Keys to networking a large crowd when you’re alone

• Wear something upbeat and professional that you feel great in.
• Bring out the actor in you and smile, stand straight and look confident even if you aren’t
• Avoid the alcoholic choice, especially at 8 AM in the morning!
• Even though food abounds, don’t get encumbered by large plates and drinks. Select a small plate with easy-to-eat food.
• Don’t stay with the group you work with and came with, especially if you were funded to attend with company dollars.
• Use the food line for networking too; it’s not wasted time!
• Ask questions of your conversation partner first.
• If you have information that will help your conversation partner, provide it ASAP
• Find a way to link what you do to what the person you’re meeting does.
• Return to the buffet or bar to meet new people.
• Be ready to provide a 30-second statement of how you connect to the event – your common ground.

One networker who impressed me was a young painting contractor named Paul who specialized in murals. As several of us stood around a high cocktail table munching brunch, Paul walked up and introduced himself with a bright smile. Now his business didn’t necessarily fit the hospitality draw of the event, but you’d never know it. After introductions, he stated clearly his specialty (painting and murals) and one woman immediately asked for his card.

When he spoke with me, I admired his ability to ask questions about my work as opposed to talking about his. He asked how I connected with clients and if I was on Linked In. When I said I was, he suggested an online resource that gives tips on Linked In connections in 20 minutes – for free.  Even though Paul and I “didn’t fit” the demographics of the general crowd, we were able to share valuable information. I then gave him the name of my realtor who refers painting contractors. We both promptly wrote these resources on our cards.

During my conversation with Paul I noted that the four at our table were all staff members of the convention bureau sponsoring the event – the very people who should have been mixing and mingling! I wondered what the boss would think if she knew her marketing dollars for four employees were being spent this way.

I have long believed in the “Ya Never Know” theory – that no matter where you go, the right people are in the room, somewhere. Thank you, Paul, for proving my theory to be true!

In 2009 we’ve seen social media and digital communication grab a larger piece of our world.  In this busy, distracting season of all sorts of celebrations, here’s a reminder of what we all can continue to learn when we stop, look, and listen to the world around us…in spite of everything.  (Any resemblance to “Joy to the World” is purely… well…intentional (!) PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A GIFT!

Look out at the world

And you will see

A number of surprising things!

A boss who probably works too hard

An aunt who would enjoy a card

And children who like to sing

And a partner who’d like some “zing”

And coworkers, neighbors too, who await your ring.

Listen to the world

And you will hear

A number of surprising things!

The water cooler news is  – you (!)

The question from your kid is cool

And your direct report really is dear

And your leader has led without fear

And relatives, and your pets too would like your ear.

When you Stop and Sense the world

You give yourself a gift

Of a number of surprising things!

The people all around prevail

There is still a place for written mail

And memories coincide

With the turbulence of today’s tide

And caring, loving, supporting friends are at your side.

©2009 Cyndi Maxey  www.cyndimaxey.com

What verse or line would you add? Your feedback is always welcome.

“Because I hate speaking in public!” That was the response of the young woman I sat next to at my first Toastmaster’s meeting recently when I asked her why she joined.  I had noticed that throughout she dutifully took notes in her booklet, offered to comment on other speakers, and volunteered to speak herself. I had to know what motivated her to give up a Monday evening twice a month.

This year is the 85th anniversary of Toastmasters International, which has built the speaking and leadership skills of thousands with minor dues attached.

Many professional speakers I know started their careers with speeches honed at Toastmasters meetings. I had to see for myself!  I was struck by the protocol, respect, and enthusiasm of the club I visited here in Chicago.

When you visit Toastmasters, the first thing you’ll notice is the solid agenda that keeps the meeting ticking and everyone on equal ground. It is one of the best uses of time management I’ve ever seen. You’ll meet the Toastmaster, the Joke Master, the Word Master, the Evaluator, the Time reporter, the Grammar/Ah reporter and more, among other members and guests.  The night I attended there were about 15 young men and 4 women present; this club was located in a trendy north side Chicago neighborhood.

You’ll have a chance to volunteer to speak impromptu in the “Table Topics” section, which, on the night I attended centered on Halloween – trick or treating experiences and feelings about the event.  I applauded those who rose to the occasion to talk about circus peanuts and embarrassing costumes.

I also heard two 5-7 minute “planned speeches” on leadership and travel; before they spoke, the speakers alerted us if they wanted to be evaluated stringently or less harshly – and then we all wrote feedback comments on small cards and silently passed them to the speakers.

The club’s officers ran the show, making us guests feel welcome and allowing us to observe and experience at our comfort level. In closing, here are three reasons to try Toastmasters and to recommend it to your coworkers and colleagues:

1. To experience a time-tested tradition in speaking that won’t dent your wallet
2. To meet new people who share your desire to grow as communicators
3. To use one hour of your time wisely and purposefully focusing only on YOU!

Here is a link to a website I recommend to my clients and students. In this link, Toastmasters tell their stories.  http://sixminutes.dlugan.com/toastmasters-share-your-story/

As always, your feedback and comments are welcomed!

Lately, most of us know someone who has had a door close or a change thrust upon him or her as a result of the economy’s “domino effect” on our lives  – our finances, family, work, relationships, and health.

We search for ways to talk respectfully to a friend who’s feeling the pain, whether due to normal life events like children leaving the nest or more shocking ones like job loss or family illness.  These conversations have popped up at every social and work event I’ve attended recently, and I’ve been listening to how friends talk with friends about loss and stress.

Here’s what I’ve learned from those who seem to say and do it best.  As always, your feedback is welcomed!

1. Verbalize that you care and respect them. “I’m sorry to hear that. Thank you for telling me.” Follow that with an empathy-statement such as “I’m sure this must be hard.” or ask a nonthreatening yet caring question such as “How are you doing so far?” (Note: An advice columnist recently recommended saying, “I don’t know what to say,” when people share bad news. I couldn’t disagree more. Saying that you don’t know what to say just sounds dumb.)

2.Accent the positive. Consider this response from one of my students at Columbia College Chicago when a classmate shared news of ending a volatile wedding engagement: he said, “I’m sorry slash good for you.”Yes, he said the word “slash” aloud – a great way to acknowledge both sides of the situation.

3. Remind them of life’s nuances that are universal. “Life has its twists and turns.” This is quoted directly from an email from my “seventy-something” cousin Lynnie in Cleveland – the truth!  I like the way the statement covers a lot of ground in a simple way.

4.Don’t just ask what you can do.  Do something – fast!  Quick response time is important here. After someone shares his or her pain, send an immediate note in the mail, get a list of resources to him or her that same day, or get a date on the calendar within 30 days. Make sure you keep the date; it’s important now.  If the person sells something, buy it. If they have a hobby, do it with them. The world is full of countless never done “What can I do’s?”

5. Don’t fuel the Internet rumor mill. If you hear a rumor about someone’s job loss, loss of home, or change of life circumstances, don’t pass it around the net.  It’s best to wait for the person to share the news with you, of course, but if you’re a close friend you may feel like taking more initiative.  In this case, call the person or send a private email to voice your concern, “Was thinking of you. Is all going well? ‘ or ‘Haven’t talked to you in awhile. Is all OK?” A colleague who recently divorced was honored when an old friend sent him this email: “I heard a rumor last night and I wondered if there was any truth to it. May I call you today?”

If we can help our friends, simply by knowing us – all the better: Carly Simon’s 1974 song lyrics say it well:  “Now I haven’t got time for the pain; I haven’t got room for the pain; I haven’t the need for the pain; Not since I’ve known you…”

P.S. Another great source for connecting through conversation is www.conversationmatters.com run by a really nice guy who attended my session at the 2009 NSA convention, Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. Then, Loren and I discovered a shared love for the art of conversation. He’s devoted a business to it!

Participants in my courses have often said, “It’s hardest to present to peers!” They’re right.  It calls for a strong mindset. And so does presenting at large conferences where the room is set for 200 and may attract 32 who move in and out as they please!

Ah!  Summer – the time for barbecues, sun, sprinklers – and the National Speakers Association National Conference. Every year we professional speakers gather while everyone else is on vacation.  And this year, I presented a 75-minute concurrent session program to my peers.Here are three things I’ve learned to help you conquer the conference presentation:

1. Go for audience EXPERIENCE.
2. Think DIALOGUE.
3. Practice with ANOTHER SET OF EYES.

EXPERIENCE, not content. Avoid the natural tendency to dump your data to impress a large, savvy group. Data is important but can be added in a handout later. Instead, strive to share the experience of YOU – meaning your stories with the data. It’s the difference between saying, “65% of us are introverts,” and “Let me share what happened with a room of quiet, analytical engineers recently.” Think, “I’m sharing my best “stuff” with friends.”

DIALOGUE, not dumping. Someone once told me, “They’re always happier when they’re talking.” While this may seem the antithesis of conference presenting, there are many ways to engage even the largest and most discerning audiences and “let them talk”. Allowing questions at any time is standard. You can also ask them to briefly check in with a seatmate, write something down, or react and apply your content. Getting out among them is the best way to encourage dialogue. That means stepping off the stage for a bit, really listening to their feedback, and tying it into your points.

PRACTICE, not “winging.” This is the time to get another set of eyes on your 75 minutes. Don’t try to do it alone. For the NSA conference, I presented my program to college students and a trusted colleague who is also a professional speaker.  I’m glad I did!  As a result of their input, I cut my note pages in half, added visuals to my power point, clarified instructions for an interactive activity, and customized my opening story. I would not have thought of any of this myself.  Many of their ideas garnered my most successful audience reactions.

So while others may be basking in the sun, heating up the grill, or sipping lemonade this summer, take the time to pamper your conference speech.  When it’s your turn in the big, cold hotel room, you’ll be glad you did!

Your feedback and additional ideas are always welcomed.

“The eyes look out at the world, not under it, down at it or away from it. So look squarely ahead…” writes British vocal expert Patsy Rodenburg as part of a warm up exercise in her book The Right to Speak. She calls it “centring” – part of a very important series of mind, body and voice alignments for the speaker, and one that I use frequently with speaking students.

“Look out at the world,” – an important habit not only for the speaker but also for the human being, and it strikes me how less and less we look out at the world today. Some recent observations…

• Walking my dog on a Saturday morning, I observed not one, not two, but three young fathers out with the baby in the stroller; the baby is laughing, pointing and looking ahead, yet the father doesn’t notice; he’s talking or texting on his phone.
• Waiting in my car in Chicago’s busy downtown loop to pick up a passenger, I counted that four out of five pedestrians who passed were connected to something electronic either in their ears or at their ear – blank looks on their faces, oblivious to the world around them.
• Walking among a myriad of travelers at O’Hare airport – most looking down while discussing something on their cell phones, I wonder how they find their gates!

In refreshing contrast, I offer the old Polish and Russian couples and groups of friends who walk along the sidewalk paths of Lake Michigan together on summer mornings. All they do is talk, with hands clasped behind them, looking out at the world every day. Their faces are animated – always.

A thought for us all: Are we “centered” with what’s around us when we walk? Have we tried unplugging and looking out at the world every day?